The Struggles of a Gringo in Honduras

October 6, 2014

Dearest Family and Friends,

During this week, I have been reminded time and time again that I am not Honduran, and that basically my skin is like unto a beacon that says, "Look Here! But remember to squint and look confused!" One of these great reminders came on Saturday and Sunday during conference. First of all, I want to say that I love the new "speak your own language" idea. It's seriously so cool. Anyway, when the Spanish speakers talk, all the gringos exit the designated gringo room, and make the small journey into the chapel, where we are greeted by a burst of whispers that basically translate to, "Oh my eyes!" We all listen to the talk in Spanish (it was so cool, I totally understood!) and then quickly walk (or more like sprint) reverently back into our sacred room of English. I feel as though the people here resent us a little because the majority of the speakers speak English, and as you have all now heard, it's boring to listen to a translator. Anyway, that was interesting.

My other great story about my gringo-ness is especially awesome, because I am now a very funny part of the legend of "America Lady." America Lady is a legend around here, not much different from Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. Not only is she very terrifying and mysterious, she's very real. The legend goes like this:

There is this creature, with blues eyes that extend clear up her forehead, and black, leathery skin. (She has freaky blue make-up above her eyes that, very literally, touches her hairline, and she wears a nasty black leather jacket.) On one lovely Sabbath Morning, she entered into the Bella Vista Chapel, and took a seat next to an Elder from the United States. "Where are you from?" she asks, shaking with anticipation. "Utah," replies the Elder. Suddenly, with the speed of a fast animal, she lays one on him. I assume that the Elder probably didn't respond at first, but I know one thing for sure, the other people did. The members literally pulled this lady off the poor Elder, and carried her out of the building and locked the gate. The Elder was quickly exchanged for a new Latino, and the lady was never seen again. Until yesterday.

I would like to take this moment to explain that there have been other sightings recently, like when she dressed as an old women with a walker in order to see a gringo. She was discovered as she, in what could only be a miracle, left her walker behind, and walked across the building at the first sign of a gringo. Luckily for this guy, one the the members of the Branch Presidency had seen the previous incident, and escorted her out, thus saving the unsuspecting Elder from a new experience. I also am now a new part of this legacy.

Yesterday, during special visits, Melvin (the second counselor in the Branch Presidency) and I were visiting a family. The visit was short, simple, and spiritual. When we left, we walked for a while, and then, we saw her. She was about forty feet in front of us, talking to a taxi driver. We quickly crossed the street, and I kept my head down. Unfortunately, she saw us, and quickly began to follow us. Luckily for me, we were able to get into the church, lock the gate, and go into the church before she reached the gates. Laughing, Melvin told me to give him his backpack, grabbed the Branch President, and they headed out to talk to her. I could hear her screaming (yes, screaming), "I saw one! You had one with you! He's inside! He had a backpack that was from America!" The Branch President then proceeded to explain that it had been him, and that the backpack was a gift from a missionary, but that there were none in the building.

The entire branch and district presidencies were there with their wives, and we all had a good laugh after President Dormes returned from his 20 minute talk with this woman. Now you may be asking, why on Earth did you take so long to explain this? The answer, my friends, is that nothing super awesome happened this week, and I find this absolutely hilarious, so hopefully you do too. :)

I will close by saying, I love conference. It is such a great experience, and I learned so much. I love Elder Bednar and Elder Holland especially. These truly are inspired men, called of God. I hope you all took the opportunity to watch it this passed weekend. I love you all, and I can't wait to share more awesome stories and to hear yours.

Elder Caleb Aldrich

"Gringo" missionaries watching General Conference in English (Elder Aldrich is not pictured, he is taking the picture).